Me: Yeah.
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
How I Handled the First Day of Kindergarten
Luke made some very profound statements on the morning of his third birthday. He was sitting in bed and said three things to me that have stuck with me for years. One of these was "When I am five I will go to Kindergarten and I will ride the bus without you." Well that day is here. Even though I had five and a half years to prepare for it, I still don't think I was ready.
We have been prepping for Kindergarten for a while now. Pre-K last year talked about it everyday--about going to school five days a week, homework, independence, etc. We talked about it all summer. We went clothes shopping and organized school supplies. We went shopping for things to put in his lunch box. I started having flashbacks of Luke's first week of life. . .
Five and a half years ago my sweet Luke was born. They told me he had a broken clavicle. I didn't cry. They told me he was breathing funny. I called them idiots and I didn't cry. He didn't latch on to eat for days. I was frustrated but I didn't cry. I gave him a bottle and he was eating so fast he forgot to breathe and turned blue. I scolded him, told him he would get himself in trouble acting like that. I didn't cry. When the pediatrician called me at home to tell me his bilirubin was too high and he needed to be admitted to the intensive care unit immediately, I started crying. The flood gates had finally opened. I had been sitting in the nursery rocker, trying to coax Luke to eat when the phone rang. After the pediatrician said "26" the tears started coming and there were no more words. Gene came in and took the phone out of my hands, reassured the doctor we were on our way, and started gathering our things. I just cried. We put Luke in the car seat and I sat in the back next to him and cried. It was raining like a monsoon and the roads were flooded. I remember not being able to even see where we were going. Gene was trying to be calm and strong and I was falling apart. I cried at the hospital when they took our information and walked us up to the NICU. I handed him over to the nurse and stepped back out of her way. When they shot his chest x-ray the nurse held his arms up over his head and a sob caught in my throat hearing the way he screamed when they manipulated that broken collar bone. Another nurse, trying to be kind, put her hand on my shoulder and said, "its okay honey. It's just an x-ray. It doesn't hurt him." I wanted to slap her because she didn't know MY baby and it DID hurt him. I cried off and on for days. We would go home from the hospital and I would start planning when to go back. It was still raining. Our street was flooded. We tried to go to him and had to turn around because the water in the road was too high. So I would cry.
That is how I felt the weekend before the first day of Kindergarten. Crying off an on over anything. We had some stressful events happen at meet the teacher night and I thought to myself "this is why people homeschool."
Over the weekend, our dog nipped at Luke. He is partially blind and completely high strung and he got spooked. It was the third time he has nipped to draw blood, but we weren't hanging around for a fourth. On Monday, he moved in with my parents. We've had him since he was a puppy and since before we were married. He is a good dog, a faithful dog. I miss him.
I took Luke to school Monday morning and walked him to his class. When the teacher dismissed the parents I gave him a hug and a kiss and left before he saw my tears. I didn't go to the kiss and cry breakfast because that would only make things worse. I went home. Will was at Grammy's house. The house was so quiet. No children, no dog, and I didn't have anything scheduled to do. I ended up aimlessly driving around town. I went to stores where I didn't need anything and didn't buy anything. I would go to two or three stores and then come home. The quiet would get to me again so I would find another few stores to go to. I think I came home and left at least three times that day.
I will address Luke's experience of Kindergarten in the next post, this one is about me.
I guess I am having Kindergarten grief. I am done with the constant crying and have moved on to anger and jealousy. This week without him has seemed so terribly long. Even with Will around, we both look at each other and think about Luke. I am starting to think, "Why do they get him for so many hours? They get him FORTY hours a week! EIGHT hours a day! I only see him awake for FOUR hours a day. This is unfair. He's MY baby. This is why people homeschool." I miss him so much. I didn't expect this feeling. If it weren't for Will, I might just stand at the bus stop all day waiting for him to come home. He won't even let me make his lunch anymore--he has bought cafeteria every day.
On the flip side--Will and I are having fun with one-on-one time. He is so sweet and giggly, it is what gets me through my day.
I know that in another week or so I won't feel this way about Luke going off to school. It was an emotion that took me unexpectedly. I thought I was SOOO ready for school to start. Going from the three day week to the five day week makes for a long week. Bottom line though, Luke is having the time of his life. He loves it. He smiles when he gets on the bus and smiles when he gets off the bus. Oh, the bus. . . that's for the next post.
We have been prepping for Kindergarten for a while now. Pre-K last year talked about it everyday--about going to school five days a week, homework, independence, etc. We talked about it all summer. We went clothes shopping and organized school supplies. We went shopping for things to put in his lunch box. I started having flashbacks of Luke's first week of life. . .
Five and a half years ago my sweet Luke was born. They told me he had a broken clavicle. I didn't cry. They told me he was breathing funny. I called them idiots and I didn't cry. He didn't latch on to eat for days. I was frustrated but I didn't cry. I gave him a bottle and he was eating so fast he forgot to breathe and turned blue. I scolded him, told him he would get himself in trouble acting like that. I didn't cry. When the pediatrician called me at home to tell me his bilirubin was too high and he needed to be admitted to the intensive care unit immediately, I started crying. The flood gates had finally opened. I had been sitting in the nursery rocker, trying to coax Luke to eat when the phone rang. After the pediatrician said "26" the tears started coming and there were no more words. Gene came in and took the phone out of my hands, reassured the doctor we were on our way, and started gathering our things. I just cried. We put Luke in the car seat and I sat in the back next to him and cried. It was raining like a monsoon and the roads were flooded. I remember not being able to even see where we were going. Gene was trying to be calm and strong and I was falling apart. I cried at the hospital when they took our information and walked us up to the NICU. I handed him over to the nurse and stepped back out of her way. When they shot his chest x-ray the nurse held his arms up over his head and a sob caught in my throat hearing the way he screamed when they manipulated that broken collar bone. Another nurse, trying to be kind, put her hand on my shoulder and said, "its okay honey. It's just an x-ray. It doesn't hurt him." I wanted to slap her because she didn't know MY baby and it DID hurt him. I cried off and on for days. We would go home from the hospital and I would start planning when to go back. It was still raining. Our street was flooded. We tried to go to him and had to turn around because the water in the road was too high. So I would cry.
That is how I felt the weekend before the first day of Kindergarten. Crying off an on over anything. We had some stressful events happen at meet the teacher night and I thought to myself "this is why people homeschool."
Over the weekend, our dog nipped at Luke. He is partially blind and completely high strung and he got spooked. It was the third time he has nipped to draw blood, but we weren't hanging around for a fourth. On Monday, he moved in with my parents. We've had him since he was a puppy and since before we were married. He is a good dog, a faithful dog. I miss him.
I took Luke to school Monday morning and walked him to his class. When the teacher dismissed the parents I gave him a hug and a kiss and left before he saw my tears. I didn't go to the kiss and cry breakfast because that would only make things worse. I went home. Will was at Grammy's house. The house was so quiet. No children, no dog, and I didn't have anything scheduled to do. I ended up aimlessly driving around town. I went to stores where I didn't need anything and didn't buy anything. I would go to two or three stores and then come home. The quiet would get to me again so I would find another few stores to go to. I think I came home and left at least three times that day.
I will address Luke's experience of Kindergarten in the next post, this one is about me.
I guess I am having Kindergarten grief. I am done with the constant crying and have moved on to anger and jealousy. This week without him has seemed so terribly long. Even with Will around, we both look at each other and think about Luke. I am starting to think, "Why do they get him for so many hours? They get him FORTY hours a week! EIGHT hours a day! I only see him awake for FOUR hours a day. This is unfair. He's MY baby. This is why people homeschool." I miss him so much. I didn't expect this feeling. If it weren't for Will, I might just stand at the bus stop all day waiting for him to come home. He won't even let me make his lunch anymore--he has bought cafeteria every day.
On the flip side--Will and I are having fun with one-on-one time. He is so sweet and giggly, it is what gets me through my day.
I know that in another week or so I won't feel this way about Luke going off to school. It was an emotion that took me unexpectedly. I thought I was SOOO ready for school to start. Going from the three day week to the five day week makes for a long week. Bottom line though, Luke is having the time of his life. He loves it. He smiles when he gets on the bus and smiles when he gets off the bus. Oh, the bus. . . that's for the next post.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Vacation!!
I am on vacation for two whole weeks!!! I am not going anywhere in particular--I am just not going to work. I am paying our babysitter to come on her regular days, but with reduced hours, and I am going to do fun things for me. I have been really looking forward to this break. After returning from maternity leave after having Will, I have not taken any vacation days except for child care purposes. So, nearly 19 months later, this vacation is all for me! Yippie!
On the agenda so far is swimming lessons for the boys (I know that doesn't sound like vacation for me--but it is!), Luke and I have a movie date one day, lunch and pedicures with my high school pals, a special day with my friend Fara, a birthday bash for my friend Jamie, and a visit to the dentist. I may just go sit at Starbucks for five hours one day. Who knows? I love my boys, but sometimes I just need some "me" time. And I don't have to do any ironing!
I have also given myself a vacation style budget so that I can actually do these fun things. Maybe next year we will actually get to go on a family vacation, if we can coordinate the time and the money, but for now a mommy-cation will be just right.
On the agenda so far is swimming lessons for the boys (I know that doesn't sound like vacation for me--but it is!), Luke and I have a movie date one day, lunch and pedicures with my high school pals, a special day with my friend Fara, a birthday bash for my friend Jamie, and a visit to the dentist. I may just go sit at Starbucks for five hours one day. Who knows? I love my boys, but sometimes I just need some "me" time. And I don't have to do any ironing!
I have also given myself a vacation style budget so that I can actually do these fun things. Maybe next year we will actually get to go on a family vacation, if we can coordinate the time and the money, but for now a mommy-cation will be just right.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Let' talk about ME!
Things you may not know about me. . .
1. I really love bland food--its my favorite. White rice with butter, Malt-o-meal, buttered noodles--all staples of my diet. Not until adult-hood did I start to experiment with flavor.
2. I obsess over misplaced items. If I can't find something, my life becomes consumed with finding it. Gene knows it all too well.
3. I like to use things to their fullest--pick out every cereal bit from the crumbs in the bag, use the last drop of shampoo, use up the sliver of soap until it just disappears. Ahhhhh. . . . sweet satisfaction.
4. However, I will NOT eat the last bite of food (unless it is a dessert) on my plate. This is referred to as the "butt" of the food, and I don't eat butts. (This started when I was young. My parents gave up trying to rationalize me out of it.)
5. I love high heels.
6. I plan out my family's meals every week and jot it down in a journal. I have been doing this since May 2007 and I love to look back through the journals to see what we ate this week last year. Maybe it will be good to eat this year too!
7. I can play the piano and the guitar. Not wonderful on either, but I can read music for the piano and read chords for the guitar. I used to play the clarinet in middle school but I don't have one anymore. For my nursing school pinning ceremony, I composed a song--music and chords--which was performed by a girl with vocal talent and I accompanied her on the guitar with a friend.
8. Right now I am obsessed with oranges. I could eat five a day. As soon as I finish one, I start dreaming about the next one. I think it is an addiction.
9. I can type super-fast.
10. I hate driving, especially at night. I am content to be the passenger 99% of the time. The other 1% is when I don't trust the driver.
11. I love working at night. I have been working nights since 2001 when I was still in nursing school. Gene really wants me to work days right now while Will is battling his colic/insomnia. Don't they make baby ambien?
12. I am resistant to change--especially when it is in the technology field. I was the last person I know to learn how to text message, I don't have an iPhone, I don't even Facebook yet.
13. I love to read the newspaper. The real newspaper, you know, the one that turns your fingertips all black? The internet newspaper doesn't cut it. I read the locals, Dear Abby, and the Life section everyday. I used to do all the crosswords, but then I had kids.
14. I listen to the radio a lot. I turn it on at breakfast, listen through to lunch, and back on after naps until dinner is over. I can't stand to have the TV and radio on at the same time though. The two sounds together junk up my brain, so if Luke wants to watch TV, I have to turn it off.
15. I have a serious case of middle child syndrome. I always have and I have given up on ever finding a cure. Instead, I run support groups to teach coping skills.
16. I am the lone female in the den of testosterone that is my home.
17. I like to think I could go out drinking and be fine in the morning, but the sad realization is that I am too old and too sober now. After my first pregnancy, my tolerance went out the window. One stiff margarita and I am toasted for the evening--hoping not to wake up with a headache.
18. I recently forgave someone after seven years of silence. Funny, I hate the silent treatment--to give or to get. When people use the silent treatment against me I just continue to call them and talk to them as if I didn't realize they were mad until they give in or forget why they were mad in the first place. I guess this was just a really bitter argument.
19. I am a bit of an impulsive shopper. Don't send me into Target alone with a budget. Don't send me to Wal-Mart at all--can't stand that place.
20. It took me two weeks to think of twenty things you might not know about me. I guess I don't have too many secrets.
1. I really love bland food--its my favorite. White rice with butter, Malt-o-meal, buttered noodles--all staples of my diet. Not until adult-hood did I start to experiment with flavor.
2. I obsess over misplaced items. If I can't find something, my life becomes consumed with finding it. Gene knows it all too well.
3. I like to use things to their fullest--pick out every cereal bit from the crumbs in the bag, use the last drop of shampoo, use up the sliver of soap until it just disappears. Ahhhhh. . . . sweet satisfaction.
4. However, I will NOT eat the last bite of food (unless it is a dessert) on my plate. This is referred to as the "butt" of the food, and I don't eat butts. (This started when I was young. My parents gave up trying to rationalize me out of it.)
5. I love high heels.
6. I plan out my family's meals every week and jot it down in a journal. I have been doing this since May 2007 and I love to look back through the journals to see what we ate this week last year. Maybe it will be good to eat this year too!
7. I can play the piano and the guitar. Not wonderful on either, but I can read music for the piano and read chords for the guitar. I used to play the clarinet in middle school but I don't have one anymore. For my nursing school pinning ceremony, I composed a song--music and chords--which was performed by a girl with vocal talent and I accompanied her on the guitar with a friend.
8. Right now I am obsessed with oranges. I could eat five a day. As soon as I finish one, I start dreaming about the next one. I think it is an addiction.
9. I can type super-fast.
10. I hate driving, especially at night. I am content to be the passenger 99% of the time. The other 1% is when I don't trust the driver.
11. I love working at night. I have been working nights since 2001 when I was still in nursing school. Gene really wants me to work days right now while Will is battling his colic/insomnia. Don't they make baby ambien?
12. I am resistant to change--especially when it is in the technology field. I was the last person I know to learn how to text message, I don't have an iPhone, I don't even Facebook yet.
13. I love to read the newspaper. The real newspaper, you know, the one that turns your fingertips all black? The internet newspaper doesn't cut it. I read the locals, Dear Abby, and the Life section everyday. I used to do all the crosswords, but then I had kids.
14. I listen to the radio a lot. I turn it on at breakfast, listen through to lunch, and back on after naps until dinner is over. I can't stand to have the TV and radio on at the same time though. The two sounds together junk up my brain, so if Luke wants to watch TV, I have to turn it off.
15. I have a serious case of middle child syndrome. I always have and I have given up on ever finding a cure. Instead, I run support groups to teach coping skills.
16. I am the lone female in the den of testosterone that is my home.
17. I like to think I could go out drinking and be fine in the morning, but the sad realization is that I am too old and too sober now. After my first pregnancy, my tolerance went out the window. One stiff margarita and I am toasted for the evening--hoping not to wake up with a headache.
18. I recently forgave someone after seven years of silence. Funny, I hate the silent treatment--to give or to get. When people use the silent treatment against me I just continue to call them and talk to them as if I didn't realize they were mad until they give in or forget why they were mad in the first place. I guess this was just a really bitter argument.
19. I am a bit of an impulsive shopper. Don't send me into Target alone with a budget. Don't send me to Wal-Mart at all--can't stand that place.
20. It took me two weeks to think of twenty things you might not know about me. I guess I don't have too many secrets.
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